Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
