Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
