Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
