this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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