Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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