are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
