Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
