he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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