I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
