she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
