I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
