sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
