Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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