Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize