a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
