he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
