As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
