Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
