it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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