You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
