i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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