I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
