I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
