Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
