WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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