About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
