I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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