Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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