I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize