the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
