i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
