I seem to have left my pride at pride
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
