i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
