I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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