Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize