Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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