Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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