is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
