My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just shotgunned beers for America
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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