god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need help removing her.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
