I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize