do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
