so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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