I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
