you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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