she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
