Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize