You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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