the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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