I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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