I am spending my child support on dildos
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize