I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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