why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
