We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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