How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
