i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she woke up with a sticky ear
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
