Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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