Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
