I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
