I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
