he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's even glitter on my cock...
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