She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
