I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
