thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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