and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
