So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
