oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
