if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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