I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
