I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
