yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
