my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize