woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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