Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
