I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
